The biggest, most severe, most urgent crisis we face today—in fact, scientists agree the worst cataclysm the earth has ever had to face since creation—is the catastrophic warming of our atmosphere from all the hot air that's being generated by Al Gore.

Senator Gore was trying to set himself apart from his colleagues by creating a public persona of a seer who is interested in issues so far-reaching in their implications that none dared call him a "typical" politician concerned only about the next election.  He built a reputation for being a genius by assuming the trappings of geniuses, like taking on issues no one understands and for which he'll be lauded today but not blamed for until after he's dead and gone.  He stares into his crystal ball like a sideshow fortune-teller, seeing nothing, but making up something that sounds ominous.  The most sophisticated supercomputers can barely tell us whether the temperature will rise three degrees by the weekend, much less how a few degrees fifty years from now will make the earth a charred cinder.  I mean, after all, if one extrapolates from a newborn baby's twelve inches of growth by the time he's one year old, then a computer can easily predict that by the time the child reaches the age of seventy he would be seventy feet tall.  Such shallow thinking is one reason every prediction ever made by the so-called environmentalist movement has been wrong. 

Mr. Gore has stated in no uncertain terms that global warming is a more urgent crisis and a bigger threat to the world than Islamofacism.  No rational person would believe that assertion, so Mr. Gore is a hero to the irrational.  This was confirmed once again by his winning the Nobel Peace Prize, joining other heroes to the irrational, such as Yassir Arafat and Jimmy Carter.  If global warming were such a huge threat, then it certainly should have appeared even more severe before the war on terror pushed it out of the headlines.  In fact, global warming was so far off the front page before 9/11 that Mr. Gore himself had forgotten how important it was:  He did not mention it once during his 2000 presidential campaign.

The fact is, Mr. Gore doesn't really care about global warming.  He cares only about being identified with an issue that is so nebulous that no one can turn him into a has-been by proving him wrong.  No matter what we do to reduce greenhouse gas emissions, nothing measurable will happen, so the Gore crowd can claim victory because no one will be able to prove them wrong until they are long gone. 

But what if Senator Gore is right?  What if the global warming, which has been going on since the last ice age, is being significantly or even substantially exacerbated by human activity?  What would the world look like?  Well, I think the half-witted liberal left is misguided in trying to stop global warming, because as things heat up, the world will look more and more like a liberal leftist paradise:

People would wear fewer clothes and expose more skin.  People of color would gain more political power as the underpigmented succumbed to skin cancer.  Nations that cannot grow enough food for their own people today would be able to do so in the new climate patterns.  The United States would become less able to be a food exporter and become instead a food importer, depending on other countries for food as we depend on them today for oil.  We would not burn as much fossil fuel to keep warm in the winter, but this might be offset by burning more gasoline driving in the longer summer season. "Rich people" with oceanfront property might lose their houses, but, unfortunately, this would include the Hollywood elites living in such places as Malibu.  Who knows?  Maybe folks who can't afford oceanfront property today will find their homes gradually becoming valuable oceanfront property tomorrow.  Third-world countries might become first-world countries.  I live in northeast Ohio now, so the very pleasant summers here would last more than three weeks.  I'm not complaining.